Bus Drive Theology

I have been blessed in so many ways.

Its funny that it seems the more God gives me gifts, the more  I take them for granted. I’m just thankful that even though I rarely get to go to church, whenever I do the sermon is always exactly what I need to hear. In this instance  the sermon at Re: Hope about grace and sin and christian ethics was something I sorely needed to hear (its on iTunes if you want to listen in,its challenging stuff.)

 

So I’ve been reading my bible on a daily basis for the last week and actually studying it for possibly the first time ever and the more I do and the more I talk to God the more refreshed and … centred I feel. Today I was travelling back from Lydia’s on the bus and I was thinking about m first week as a christian. Remembering the feeling of utter certainty and raw power of the holy spirit that was so exhilarating. Remembering praying to God about my legs that then seemed so trivial next to the knowledge of Gods grace and love and that very day the pain going forever.

 

What breathtaking mercy, what amazing grace, what a miracle. Every day when I get out of bed I should drop to my knees in praise that I can do it without near crippling pain. And yet these last years and months I’d started to get into the mindset that somehow God owed me something. That he ought to deliver me out of this rut my life has been in since I dropped out of uni and found myself in this job that seems to suck the very life out of me. When really I should be thanking him I have a job at all never mind went to uni at all.

 

I am so blessed in my (now) Fiance, in my health, in living in this theoretically christian society. Its just blowing my mind right now and I wanted to get it down before I start back to work again and possibly lose sight of the bigger picture in the backstabbing mediocrity that is par for the course. I pray to God I can keep sight of the bigger picture when confronted by “real life” as Mr Lewis says ” meaning the number 9 bus and the paper boy”

Weekend Warrior

So I’ve spend my girlfriends birthday weekend playing D&D which was pretty fun, I even got a lovely t-shirt out of it!

Regardless of the fun I had during the weekend I really felt miserable and small on Saturday night. I don’t know why but the best reason I can think of was the txt I got from my sister telling me my work had phoned about my interview for team leader on bakery and could I phone back to confirm a time. I was a bit bewildered by it; mostly because I didn’t apply for the job. I’d considered applying but then I came to a conclusion, namely that whenever I had a really terrible day at work it was usually because of the senior management team and I would be out of my mind to get more involved with them.

So I decided to phone them on Monday and like Withnail tell them they could “shove it up [their] arses and fuck off while [they're] at it”. Its just typical of Sainsburys to give someone an interview for a job they didn’t want while not even bothering to interview people who do want it, and also not give that same person the discount card theyve been wanting for over a year now or the 300 pounds theyve cost them ¬¬.

Anyway it turns out that Barry stuck his neck out to get me the interview so now I’m going to it simply for this damned loyalty streak I have – even though its going to leave his department up the creek without a paddle if I went. I have this horrible feeling that because I’m not at all bothered about getting the job I’m going to sail through the interview or worse still because Barry went to this bother it could mean I’ve already been selected. Which is what people will think if I get it anyway.

Anyway I’m rambling now. I was feeling really really low and I hoped that I’d shake it off after a good night sleep, but if anything I was feeling worse by the next day. I went to church hoping it would lift me but all I could feel was dislocation. Like there was a buffer zone a few centimetres from my body that God refused to enter and all that was going through my head was C.S Lewis’ (I think) words that when you feel the total absense of God when everything seems hard and pointless its all the more important to praise and pray and do whats right because faith is measured more by what you do in the absense of God as what you do in the presense of God.  So tonight I’m praying more than ever that God makes sure what happens tomorrow is what needs to happen because right now I haven’t a clue.

New Blog new rant

I don’t normally go for blogging, I always believe it brings out the worst in me in that it gives me a platform to rant about things I wouldnt normally rant about and otherwise just annoy the crap out of me in a hundred little ways. This is also broadly my view on social networking sites. One hundred thousand people trying to be individual and in the end being as individual as a traffic cone.

The problem of course is that in my necessary but rather boring day job my mind is free to formulate these long winded arguments about anything and everything while i go about in my stressful monotony. The end result being I have 500 opinions and no where to output them.

Thus my latest blog attempt is born. A place to put down all the rants, arguments, 40 watt enlightenments and other thoughts that zip in and out of my head on a day to day basis and are generally completely forgotten.

So there we have it, my new blog. Oh and if your wondering about the title; the Inexcusable excuse is me; I had a little epiphany last night, and  thought it’d make a good name for a blog.